Self-Depreciation Alley

[lint]

I armor-alled the seat on my motorbike

 

once

 

[Pezzy]

LMFAO, Lint!!

[Precise1]

Yes, so have I. Once.

 

After that, it wasn't my motorcycle and it was a cruel prank...

 

B

[JamesRich]

m'kay, i'll play.

 

ohhhh the date was ... yeah i don't effin' remember. new years party a few yr back.. well, we were gettin a-fickered up.. and well, everyone's girlie was there but mine so i figured i didn't need to stay concious.. and i didn't. i wound up passed out on the floor, side of my face pressed against the floor, my knees on the ground. ass up. .. friends say i was moaning like a whore.. but i don't remember anything beyond hiding behind a washcloth.

Careful who you get drunk and pass out with! you could end up on here.

http://www.latenightmistakes.com/

[wood6078]

Finally got done reading all 12 pages of this.... SO, I guess I'll put the best I got on here

 

It's winter '03-'04. I had just graduated the summer before, and while still in school, bought a 96 ranger. It was a 2wd, ext cab, 5-spd. At the time, I was working third shift at a factory seven days a week. This night, I decided to give myself a night off and called in to hang out with the guys. We're all at a buddy's house, hanging out, and it's drizzling rain outside. About 3 hours later, all that drizzle on the ground turned to ice and now it's snowing on top of that. We decide to drive about 10 miles to another friends house. We get a convoy going down the road and I'm playing a little bit thanks to the weather and the 265/50-15 tires ( if you could even call them tires--more like worn out DOT drag radials) on the back of my truck with NOTHING in the bed (read ~70% of the weight of the vehicle on the front). I figure out it's pretty slick and start to calm down on the skinny pedal. My gf is at work, so I call her to warn her and tell her to be careful in the slippery sheit that's on the road. I'm going about 30 mph in 4th gear and decide I'm going to goose it one last time before we get onto the country roads. BAD idea... Ass-end comes loose and next thing I know, I'm backwards sliding into the other lane and against the guardrail with the back right corner. I'm pissed, get out, assess the damage, and decide it's not that bad. I'm making the most of my fake illness. We get to smaller town and I can't make it up this hill that's half a mile away from my house. So I think about it for a bit....there's a backroad with no hills that will still get me where I want to go! I'll go that way! Remember--slicker than snot, and it's still coming down. I get about halfway down my alternate route and there's a 90-degree left-hander. I know this road, so slow down to prolly 5-10 mph, foot on clutch, and start the turn. I made it halfway before all tires lost what little traction they had and sent me sideways toward the right side of the road. I'm sliding for what seems like forever and BAM!!! I stopped. WTF did I do now? I look from the driver seat over my shoulder and see an oak tree about 2 feet across wedged into corner of the cab....f&$@ck!!! Note this is about 30 minutes after the guardrail. I get out and see how lucky I really was. About 6 inches of tire is on the wrong side of the top of a concrete culvert with a 3-foot drop. The tree kept the truck upright. Who wrecks twice in 30 minutes?

Morals learned- don't call in to work unless necessary and stop when you're already behind

[Tungsten]

Stupid? Yes I have done it. I was trying to clean up my gauge cluster and replace the burnt out bulbs and when I was cleaning it I forgot that you are not supposed to use a cleaner on the gauge numbers so...

 

 

I lost all the numbers.

[adamzan]

[unccpathfinder]

_

Half of.it closed up...water jetted metal edge...18v drill...drill bit snagging and my hand taking the brunt of it...

 

 

Edited April 14, 2012 by unccpathfinder

[Slartibartfast]

It's four in the morning, and I just read through this whole thread...

 

I've been relatively lucky. Even things that should've ended horribly (like the time a friend and I decided to shoot my archery set straight up in a vacant lot next to a highway and a bunch of houses) have so far failed to produce carnage. There have, however, been close calls.

 

Maybe a year ago, my dad and I were at my uncle's restoration shop, working on my Triumph. After months of rebuilding a rare, expensive, and very abused old Jaguar for a client, my uncle was lowering the newly painted body back onto the frame. After making a few 'that's not the way I'd have done it' type comments, we went over to help. He and my dad crawled underneath to make sure all the cables and wires and mounts and things were threaded/lined up correctly (and putting their hands between the frame and the body to do so), and they put me in charge of the engine hoist holding the body up. I'd never used one before, and when one of them told me to slowly lower the body, I didn't even know where the valve was. When I found it, I figured, a quarter turn should do it.

 

Luckily, the resulting six inch free fall didn't hurt the Jaguar, and my dad and uncle managed to pull their hands out of the way before it landed. I suspect I would've become wildly unpopular otherwise.

 

Another close one, non-car related... a few friends and I went to some guy's house to work on zombie makeup for another guy's senior project (a zombie movie). I wasn't sure if we were filming that day, so I brought along a prop gun I'd made (a fairly realistic squirt gun spray painted black). After a few hours of mixing fake blood and spattering the guy's kitchen with fake skin, we'd dolled up one guy with a torn-up arm, a blood splatter on his head, and a (surprisingly realistic) ripped-out throat. We decided to 'test it out' on a guy we knew, who lived a few blocks away. So we went for a little walk: a bunch of guys with camcorders following one 'zombie' (totally in character, lurching, grunting, lunging at passing cars). We saw nothing wrong with this plan.

 

Along the way, we ran into: 1) a teacher from school (who thought we'd done an awesome job); 2) a guy in a pickup (who offered to drive us to the hospital); and 3), a crazy woman who thought we were targeting her kids. She said she was calling the police.

 

We headed back to the house to re-group. The zombified guy (still half-made up) got in his truck and split, leaving the rest of us to deal with the cops. The police SUV (with a barking police dog in the back) pulled up, and my friend and I headed out to talk to the cop. As soon as the door shut behind me, I realized that I still had the fake gun in my waistband. I panicked a little and started tugging on my friend's sleeve at this point.

 

We dumped the 'gun' in his Heap and walked across the street. The woman was too busy telling her neighbors all about it, so she sent out her husband. Have you ever had an angry dog silently stare at you from the end of its chain? Imagine that, but with a stained wife-beater and a little less hair. I decided not to extend my hand when I apologized; I wasn't sure I'd get it back.

 

Anyway, the cop took our names and left. My friend drove me and another guy home. This other guy's stepdad is a cop. We made it about a block before we ran into his mom, who'd heard about the 911 call and put one and one together. Not only did she know me... she works with my dad. (Luckily, they both thought the whole thing was funny as hell.)

 

The worst part? The only response we got from the guy we set out to mess with was "What're you idiots doing in my driveway?"

[NissanNismoZ]

Haven't had the experience to do something TOO stupid..but needless to say, i was in a hurry, and i wanted to redo my whole front brake system..new calipers, pads and rotors..so i did. I started at 11..and had to be at work by 4

I jacked up the pathy, took the two front wheels off ( i get one side, my friend got the other...)

My driveway is gravel..and i could only jack up one side at a time..put a cinder block under each LCA and went inside to get the parts..

I come back..and Pathy is sitting there bowed down, laying flat in the driveway!

Of course..both cinder blocks crushed and my jackstand (my bottle jack) fell over. Needless to say, it was a good thing moms Nissan was a minivan with a low profile jack..which of course saved me..

Needless to say i have REAL jackstands and two wooden boards i use to put them on, just to keep it from happening again..it would have sucked if i were under it!

Edited April 16, 2012 by NissanNismoZ

[KovemaN]

My driver side lower shock mounting bolt backed itself out and managed to find its way under the tire at 65mph on the freeway. I don't know how it happened, but that M12x1.25 bolt sure punched a mean hole in the tread. Luckily I had another bolt to replace it with. This one got a new lock washer and come loc-tite.

[Meandmy92Pathy]

Not as funny as some, but here goes...

 

While I was in college, I worked for an oil and gas pipeline company during my semester breaks. One day, we were walking lines checking for leaks, as the pressure was down at one of the meters....when we would have this situation come up, we would put mercaptan in the lines....this is the stuff that is put in the lines that causes natural gas to have an odor.....since the leaks that we were looking for were in lines from the well to the plant, they didn't have the mercaptan added yet.....well, we found the leak.....however in the process of adding the stuff to the lines, me and the other guy got some on us.....Now it's time to head to the hardware store for the part to fix the leak and it's lunch time.....we went by the hardware store first and while wandering around the store, we kept hearing people in the store saying, "Is that a gas leak, do you smell gas, we need to call the gas company!!!" After getting everyone in the hardware store into a frenzy, AND not saying a word, we got out of there very quickly!!!! I don't know how we made it to the chicken place to get something for lunch because we were laughing so hard......we went through the drive thru so as to not cause anymore chaos......passing back by the hardware store on the way to the jobsite, we saw that the fire department was there.....oops, and we never said a word.......

[Alkorahil]

I brake checked a State Trooper a few weeks ago.......he wasnt amused.

[nunya]

He shouldn't have been tailgating

[Alkorahil]

Yeah but it wasnt totally smart of me.

He WAS tailgating, but it was dark that night on the tollroad and I didnt really look real good before I did it. I didnt notice the light bar on top til he turned it on........

[Meandmy92Pathy]

I had a buddy of mine that had switched backup lights and there was a guy behind him at a red light that had his high beams on....he was a little pi$$ed at the high beams and flipped on his backups and then the nice deputy flipped on his blue lights.....needless to say, my buddy got a ticket.