Self-Depreciation Alley

[Precise1]

Just a wild hair, but I distrust people who take themselves too seriously. We have all done something stupid and to be able to share and laugh not only shows you are human and have a sense of humor, but demonstrates strength of character. Tell your story; make us wince, whimper, or laugh ! Recount your idocy, lunacy, or lapse of judgement. Heck, tell a friend's story for him if nothing else (your perspective is probably better ) It can be Pathy, automotive, or just life...

 

I'll start, and I'm sure I'll chime in later with something else, but this is an easy one that comes to mind when my mind is...... dainbrammaged.....

 

I got my first vehicle (a Suziki RM80 dirt bike) when I was 10. My dad knew squat about mechanics, so I read, listened and asked, then wrenched. This gives me about 25 years from the start. About 10 years ago I had an unofficial mechanic thing going on. I did tune ups, brakes, that kind of stuff on the side. I'm also a machinist for over a decade. I say this to explain that I'm no stranger to cars, motorcycles, machinery in general, basic trouble shooting, systems, principles and work habits.

My previous truck was a 83 Nissan 720 kingcab 4x4. I had let the registration almost expire and needed a smog check, tomorrow. It needed a tune up and was during the work week so I did it after the usual 10 hour work day. Full tune up... no problem... 2 hours max. As I was finishing up I realized I hadn't checked the valve clearance for a while, so while I'm under there... Ok, get butt in gear as this has to be done when things are hot, and there are some parts to pull first. I ran it for 10 minutes to heat it back up, and then removed all that stuff, checked, adjusted as necessary, rotating the motor with a ratchet/socket and short cheater pipe off the crank/pully bolt. Maybe 1 hour later the sun was almost down, so rush to get it together. Ok, all together, time to get clever. I HAD a remote starter unit. For the uninitiated, it is a hot and cold lead you clip on the battery, and a hot to the starter with a button switch. It will turn the motor or start it if the ignition is on. I hooked this up because I like to listen to things... I fired the motor, and heard WIFF, BLAM, RRRRRRRRRRRRRx10 VERY LOUD all in about 1/2 second.

Now, I have a sharp mind, so I realized very quickly that I had left the ratchet on the crank/pully bolt and things had suddenly become very wrong. Panic insued as this was my only viable vehicle at the time and I had visions of the ratchet handle going ape shet down there... Unfortunately, a remote start has no remote stop... Ever hear a ratchet going 850RMP backwards(THANKFULLY!!) ?? I can't describe it, other than it would make you wet your pants coming from your engine compartment while you have your head in it listening for valve noise. So I did the only thing I could do... I grabbed the coil wire and yanked it out. Anyone ever pull a plug wire with the engine running while grounded ?? YEP !! WOW !! Coil wire doesn't last as long, but it is X4 pulse in this case.

Ok, with a Z24 motor there are 2 coils, a 2 level dizzy, and 8 wires/plugs. 1 set to intake, which run the motor, 1 set to exhaust for smog/afterburn. (the system works very well by the way). I pulled the exhaust coil wire. Now the motor and ratchet are only at about 800 rpm. As soon as I got my eyeballs pointed the same direction, and my right arm to listen to directions, I grabbed and pulled the wire from the intake coil. YEP !! WOW !!! It felt like this one had more juice, but maybe it was just me.

It was a singularly enlightening experience. I've been blasted by plug wires, but there's nothing like asking for seconds !! In hindsight, I should have just gone for the ignition, but, um, yeah... As it was, no damage done by the ratchet (still have and use it today) and remote starter switch was cut up for the wire and switch that night. The WIFF noise I can only assume was the 1' cheater pipe I was using as I never did find it. Score is... Bernard -1 life, X to go... Way to hurry dumb A$$ !!

 

Bernard

[k9sar]

heheheh... I've had my share of stupidness but the most recent was just this past Saturday night. My family and I were on our way out to dinner and my wife mentioned that it seemed cold in the house. I had the thermo set to 70 (since my boys are getting over being sick) and the actual temp read 65. I checked the vent and it was blowing cold air. Well, it was obvious to me that the pilot light in the furnace had gone out. :idea: I grabbed a long lighter and shot to the basement. I opened the furnace panel and, sure enough, the pilot was not lit. I flipped the gas valve to PILOT, pressed the button and threw some fire at the piolt. It lit just fine (as expected). Now came the fun part. I had forgotten that the heat was turned on up at the thermostat. -thnkboutit- When I switched the gas valve from PILOT to ON, I got an immediate WHOOSH of gas and 2 of the 4 burner rails lit. I thought "you dumb@!*%, turn the switch off nest time. Hmm... I wonder why only 2 rails lit...". :confused: As I leaned forward to look at the unlit rails, the little voice in my head that is supposed to keep me from doing stupid things finally woke up and said... "GAS IS ON... UNLIT BURNERS... RIGHT NEXT TO LIT BURNERS"... but it was too late. The next thing I saw was a ball of fire filling my entire field of view and I fell backwards a few feet. I also noticed that the two burners were still not lit. Now, I'm assuming that the little voice had been stunned and was unable to help me remember what had happend no more than a few seconds ago. Yea, you guessed it, I leaned into the furnace again to see why the 2 burners were still not lit. WOOSH!!!! again... a ball of fire surrounded my head. This time, the burners stayed lit and I had no interest in a threepeat. As I kept my distance, I had my wife turn the heat off then back on to see if the burners would all light. They did. She said she could hear the fireballs all the way upstairs and asked if I was alright. Other than my pride being hurt (and a few hairs gone), I was fine. Chalk one up for stupidity!

[Slick]

stupidity stories huh? well, I have a few, but the most EMBARASSING one I can come up with off teh top of my head (and all you JEEP haters will LOVE THIS!) is when some friends and I went wheeling at Carnegie in January of this year(Frank Raines was closed)... me and my best friend in my (topless) Jeep, my friend and his 2001 GMC Z71, friend and his 2003 Yota TRD with fresh 6" lift n tires.... so we're playing (I am a fiend for mud)..I am showing off...bragging my Jeep is better..blah blah..do the frame twister no problem...run through the mud SEVERAL times...and then they convince me I should be the depth tester for teh center of the mud pit (which was full of water)..well..even with 33's and a 6" suspension lift, I was the LOWEST vehicle there..but me being the braggert and showing off, and of course..we were the only 2 chicks in the group of 8..had to put the boys to shame.

So..I come bombarding into the mud..and ego took over and I did not slow down..AT ALL... well..needless to say...KERSPLOSH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! all we remember seeing is a HUGE wall of water, with water flowing in through the doors (lucky I tore out my carpet..no need for it and easier to clean)... the tidal wave came up, over the top of the windshield, and 3 feet later..splutter splutter POOP. I think I had sucked up every ounce of water in that pool! My poor Jeep...sucked, swallowed...and promptly died! So, there we were, in the middle of this "lake"..water coming in the doors....and laughing at my stupidity. Next thing you know..the walkie talkie came to life, and you could hear the guys laughing.

I asked for a little "recovery" help..and they said they'd be there when they could...(they were 100 yards away!). They left us there for 15 minutes...I crawled over the windshield and onto the front deck to hook up the tow strap..and we got pulled out. I popped the hood..assessed the damage..dried stuff out..and after much backfiring and coaxing..I got the Jeep started and drove her home! The guy laughing most at me (the Z71 vehicle that towed me out) promptly broke a half shaft while I was drying out my Jeep..... what a DAY! The Yota fried an alternator, I fried my alternator, and the Z71 killed a half-shaft! But we all limped home and lived to wheel again. :bow:

[Guest javven]

I parked my Frontier on the side of a riverbank.

 

Fell asleep. It was spring in AK (you know, june?)

It rained that night in the mountains.

The river swelled.

The bank undermined.

The truck went for a swim.

 

I woke up. Waded across 40 degree water in my boxers (THAT was cold). Got in, started er up, put er in 4WD low (manual hubs already locked) and pulled out of the mud-bank.

 

I got her back - but the bill for damages wasn't even funny. I didn't bother calling my ins company.

 

A fair epitome of the word STUPID.

[88pathoffroad]

I replaced the stock Q-jet carb on my Chevy Laguna with an Edelbrock 600 4-barrel carb a long time ago. I was excited, wanted to see what kind of performance gains I got. Finished bolting it on, checked everything, then I cranked it over until it started....gave it a little bit of gas, sounded great, so I revved it harder.

 

...and watched the tach needle hit 6000+ RPMs with a horrific scream from the 3" exhaust and Terminator mufflers. I hurriedly turned off the ignition and got out to see what happened, wide-eyed and horrified! There was a giant black cloud of smoke floating away from the back end of the car.

 

 

Forgot the throttle cable return springs. Oops. The 400 WOT'd for like two or three seconds. At least it wasn't in gear. That'll teach me!

[dnodog]

my most shameful experience was when I was a jockey. The jocks room was on thetop floor of a two storey building, and the girls would all hang out in front the jocks room between races and flirt with us while we were in the veranda. One gold cup day(the biggest day of our racing year) I finnished my rides for the day just before the gold cup race. Just as I stepped out the shower, I heard a lot of noise from the grand stand,and thinking the race had started ran onto the verandah while drying my hair, the race had not started and all the girls were still in front the jocks room......I was completely Nude. All worked out fine in the end, because one on the girls must have liked what she saw,cause i had one more ride that night!

[Mark]

I found this by accident on another forum a while back.

Now I've got a couple of good stupidity stories that I'll share in awhile, but for now, enjoy this guy's. It's pretty funny.

 

I've deleted his name to protect his identity. In the original post, he hadn't done that.

 

 

TAZER FUN

 

Dear Friends, the mind is a wonderful thing; curiosity is not a

wonderful thing. To much of one and not enough of the other in the

wrong hands can be lethal in some cases.

 

 

My wife is fond of saying that my last words on this earth will be

something akin to, "hey y'all, hold my beer and watch this!" Well, I

have outdone myself once again. No doubt you will see this true story

chronicled in a LifeTime movie in the near future. Here

goes...............

 

Last weekend I spied something at Larry's Pistol and Pawn (Name of the establishment changed to protect the innocent) that tickled

my fancy. (Note: Keep in mind that my "fancy" is easily tickled). I

bought something really cool for for my wife. The occasion was our anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my sweet

girl. What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized Tazer

gun with a clip. For those of you who are not familiar with this

product, it is a less-than-lethal stun gun with two metal prongs

designed to incapacitate an assailant with a shock of high-voltage, low

amperage electricity while you flee to safety. The effects are supposed

to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on your assailant,

but allowing you adequate time to retreat to safety. You simply jab the

prongs into your 250 lb. Tattooed assailant, push the button, and it

will render him a slobbering, goggle-eyed, muscle-twitching,

whimpering, pencil-neck geek. If you've never seen one of these things in

action, then you're truly missing out--way too cool!

 

Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home. I loaded two

triple-A batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I

was so disappointed. Upon reading the directions (we don't need no

stinkin' directions), I found much to my chagrin that this particular

model would not create an arch between the prongs. How disappointing! I

do love fire for effect. I learned that, if I pushed the button, however,

and pressed it against a metal surface that I'd get the blue arch of

electricity darting back and forth between the prongs that I was so

looking forward to. I did so. Awesome!!! Sparks, a blue arch of

electricity, and a loud pop!!! Yipeeeeee . . I'm easily amused, just for

your information, but I have yet to explain to the wife what that burn spot

is on the face of her microwave.

 

Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it

couldn't be all that bad with only two triple-A batteries, etc., etc.

There I sat on my couch, my dog, Mini, looking on intently (trusting

little soul), reading the directions (that would be me, not Mini) and

thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh and blood

target. I must admit I thought about zapping Mini for a fraction of a

second and thought better of it. She is such a sweet dog, after all.

But, if I was going to give this thing to the wife to protect herself

against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as

advertised. Am I wrong? Was I wrong to think that? Seemed reasonable to

me at the time...

 

So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a t-shirt, and BBT hat on my head, directions in one hand, Tazer in another. The directions said that a one-second burst

would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was

supposed to cause muscle spasms and a loss of bodily control; a

three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the

ground like a fish out of water. All the while I'm looking at this

little device (measuring about 5" long, less than 3/4 inch in

circumference, pretty cute really, and loaded with two itsy, bitsy

triple-A batteries) thinking to myself, "no friggin' way!" Friggin'

way--trust me, but I'm getting ahead of myself.

 

What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best.

Those of you who know me well have got a pretty good idea of what

followed. I'm sitting there alone, Mini looking on with her head

cocked to one side as if to say, "Don't do it, buddy," reasoning that a

one-second burst from such a tiny lil' ole thing couldn't hurt all that

bad (sound, rational thinking under the circumstances, wouldn't you

agree?). I decided to give myself a one-second burst just for the hell

of it. (Note: You know, a bad decision is like hindsight--always

twenty-twenty. It is so obvious that it was a bad decision after the

fact, even though it seemed so right at the time. Don't ya hate that?)

 

I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and HOLY

**************! DAaaaauuuuuuMN!!! I'm pretty sure that Jessie Ventura

ran in through the front door, picked me up out of that recliner, then

body slammed me on the carpet over and over again. I vaguely recall

waking up on my side in the fetal position, nipples on fire, testicles

nowhere to be found, soaking wet, with my left arm tucked under my body

in the oddest position. Mini was standing over me making funny

sounds I had never heard before, licking my face, undoubtedly thinking

to herself, "Do it again, do it again!" (Note: If you ever feel

compelled to mug yourself with a Tazer, one note of caution. There is

no such thing as a one-second burst when you zap yourself. You're not

going to let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by

a violent thrashing about on the floor. Then, if you're lucky, you won't

dislodge one of the prongs 1/4" deep in your thigh like yours truly.)

SON-OF-A-***** that hurt! A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as

time was a relative thing at this point), I collected my wits (what

little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape. My hat

was on the mantel of the fireplace. How did that get get there???

My triceps, right thigh and both titties were still twitching. My face

felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, as my bottom lip weighed

88 lbs. give or take an ounce or two, I'm pretty sure.

 

By the way, has anyone seen my testicles? I think they ran away. I'm

offering a reward. Miss 'em . . . sure would like to get

'em back.

[Precise1]

Great turn out and great stories so far. Keep it up, and for those of you who haven't posted, get to it !!

K9sar- Glad you were ok !! If you were a longhair like me, it may have not been so pretty. I cant help but love the fact you stuck you head right back in !! Your guardian angel must have had a nervous breakdown...

Slick-Nothing like talking smack BEFORE the action, eh ?

javven-You HAVE to post the picture you described in the newbie page; I posted a message that may help. I have spent time in the desert where flash floods can be... interesting. One almost got me in Death Valley in june when I was on a motorcycle trip !

88- Ain't it always the 1 little thing you forgot that gets the heart pumping and the bladder empty ? Bet you're glad you didn't have a remote starter switch; you might have had to start pulling wires, and still blow the motor. I swear those things are dangerous !

LOL Dnodog-You dont have to post any pictures, but I'm glad it had a happy ending

Mark- I read that before, and it had me in tears !! The STUPID level is amazing, and the writing is well done. What really gets me is that I would be curious also !

 

There is no vote. There is no best. My personal Fav so far is K9sar's adventure, just for the immediate repeat. The Tazer would win, but I'm only (personally) rating the first hand accounts.

 

KEEP THEM COMMING !!

 

Bernard

[Mark]

Agreed. The Tazer story was for entertainment value only.

 

I'll pitch in shortly with one of my better braindead mishaps. I'm an electrician by trade, so I've had a couple of good shocks (and they're always funny) but I'm sure that I can do better. Let me ask my wife...

[DSM_guy]

ahahaaaaaa mark that was AWESOME! i could not stop laughing..i nearly pissed myself i was laughing so hard ( the taser one) and you cant help to start even before he zapps himself, cuz you know he is gonna get nailed! that is truly a classic

[vengeful]

Hmm....I gotta think about this one....too many to decide....

[Precise1]

LOL Vengeful... you can post more than 1 !!! Please !!! (this is gonna be good)

 

B

[Ramithepimp77]

A while back I got invited to go see the movie SWAT at a friends house (right when it came out). Well we started to watch it until these 2 girls came over and started to talk alot so we really couldnt hear the movie. We decided that the movie was prolly not gonna work out that night so we moved on to hangin out and screwin around on the karaokee(sp) machine. After about 20 minutes of that the girls decided they wanted to drink so I ended up giving in. How are you supposed to say no? N-E-WAYS my friend mike and myself decided to get a case of Bud and split it between the 2 of us. Well he ended up drinkin about 11 and I had 13. THAN due to our great decsion making we took a couple shots (the rest of the bottle which wasnt taht much). NEXT off to finishing off one of the girls half racks of Bud Light THAN the other girls half rack of Corona. Add a couple of Pabst to that and you have one TRASHED 380 LBS BEAST!

 

This is where the story was TOLD to me due to my intoxication!

 

well after we finished that and sang a bunch of songs (while trashed) we left. Right after getting out of the house mike said he had to pee so he started to pee on some ones BENZ! Thinking that was funny I apperently told him that I could top that and started to run around in circles and pee while yelling weird things I guess. SO WHILE THIS IS HAPPENIN my cousin tells me to stop and "Put it away" so I do. I must have seemed to leave the hose running or somethin cuz next thing you know I guess I was asking what happened to my pants. My cousin told me that I had just peed them so than I say "WHO THE F*** PEES THEIR PANTS???"

 

Later (around 430 am) I come home and have to deal with my mom while trying to cover up the pee pee and also trying to tell her I only had 2 beers. NOT A GOOD TIME!

 

Rami

[k9sar]

. I'm an electrician by trade, so I've had a couple of good shocks (and they're always funny)

I've done some work on some 'shocking' racks of equipment and quickly learned to stand on my right foot when grabbing something suspect (I'm right handed). Nothing like instantly being transported to your arse across the room with the nice smell of ozone floating around your head.

[Xtreme2Pathfinder]

Okay, I got one for ya. I had to think about it since there are so many to choose from. But this one is the best of the "What was I Thinking" moments.

This one happen many many moons ago. I think that I was in the seven grade and enjoy playing with fireworks.. Well I watched my brothers make home made firecracker for a couple of years and thought that I could make a couple myself... I found some old garden hose and my brother black powder (he had a couple of cans since he was into black power rifles). I had made up a couple of 6" X 1/4" hose firecrackers. they worked pretty good. More smoke than bang so I need to try some else.. I found a empty plastic pellet box, drill a hole in the top and packed it full of black powder, then I installed the wick and sealed it up.. I lit the fuse and ran... The fuse burned out and I waited for about 10 seconds and walked back to it and went to open it. Next thing I knew !!POOF!! a bright flash and smoke. I knew that I screwed up but I didn't know how bad.. I couldn't open one eye due my eye lash was matted shut and I could feel where my hair use to be on the forehead which is now 3" back on my head and in a big matted ball and my face feel like it was sunburned pretty bad. I calmly walked in the house and called my mom at work but she was with a customer at the time and couldn't come to the phone so I told her co-worker that it wasn't emgerency. About hour and half later my dad comes home and sees what happen and about has a cow when he see me. He was able to cut my eye lashes off so I could open my one eye and then took me to the eye doctor to have my eyes looked at... Well I had a little piece of paper stuck in my left eye that had to be pucked out.. I had to have a patch over that eye for about 2 weeks and had to put drops in both eyes for three weeks... That stuff burns worse than what I did with the black powder... Needless to say I had to go to school for the next couple of months missing my eye browse, lashes, and big chunk of hair missing up front... And I wasn't allow to play with any fireworks for at lease 5 years... Have I learned my lesson yes and no. I still like to play with explosives just not the homemade ones. sly

 

If I can find the picture I'll scan it and post it for everyone to laugh at... I still get grief from my friends that knew about the accident.

 

lm

[Crazy Geologist]

So no one lost an eye in my story, but a dent in my door reminds me of this story regularly...

 

So there is a set of natural hotsprings ~1.5 hours of 4-wheeling from Santa Barbara. And behind these hotsprings there are some cool Mt. Biking trails that go way back into the mountains.

 

So I get a wild hair a couple years ago, and I decide I want to go do a night ride out there, so my buddy ken (who has an almost good bike- just dependable enough to get him into trouble) wants to come with me. So we throw the bikes on the roof and go, just a bit after dark. Well, after over an hour of bumpy wheelin, we are about 10 minutes from the hotsprings, and really ready to get started. The last section of the trail to the springs is this wide, flat, smooth fireroad that goes along the riverbottoms. This section is fast. I was going 55 (and kept it there since I was in 4hi) and all was well. Cruzin, making good time, then ken says "aren't you going a little fast?" na, we're almost there... and as soon as I said it wooophmp! snap! thunk! scrape! What the...???

 

Well, there is ONE tree with a bushy branch along this stretch of fire road, and it has three thin (less than 3/4" thick) branches that reached down, grabbed ken's bike handlebars and ripped his suspension fork in half. Luckily when the bike fell off the roof rack with the rear wheel still attached, the pedal hit the door frame, not the window. So at the time I was managing a bike shop so I think: no worries, I have a couple extra forks lying around...get it fixed up cheap...well, his fork is no longer made, and I had to special order one that would actually fit into his frame. darn. Break a $30 POS suspension fork, and have to shell out $200 to make his bike roll again. Most cyclists have a story about driving their roof-mounted bikes into a garage or drive-thru at 5mph... not for the crazy geologist...55mph through an oak tree...a "learning moment." you can't buy an education like that one. hehe

 

who is up next???

[jj big shoe]

This isn't a wheelin' damage story, but damage occured nonetheless. A few friends and I were headed to downtown D.C. to go to a club one night. Since there were six of us, we decided to pile in the Pathy. Once we arrived there was absolutely no place to park anywhere, so I'm crusin' around trying to find somewhere to pull in and I see a grassy place on the corner next to a line of parked cars. I figure no one else wanted to jump the curb to park there in their Lexus or Infiniti SUV, that's why it's empty. I hop the curb and see a twiggy little three foot bush in the way. "No big deal, I'll roll over it" I thinks to myself. A little throttle, dump the clutch and... WHAM! Stopped me dead. (Either I'm missing something or that's one tough bush.) I get out to see that there's a fire hydrant smack dab in the center of this little bush that just turned my grille guard into a taco. Oh, well. I backed up a foot, parked it and had a great time at the club. I took the thrashed grille guard off the next day, hangover and all.

[Slick]

OK. Here's another one of my "umm...DUH" moments. Seem to happen a lot to me! It must be something to do with Jeeps.

OK. So me and some friends (after closing the bar) decide we are gunna go "night wheelin'" (there is a little spot right by the freeway that has mud, water, hills and rocks..but is NOT for public use..c'mon..that's half the thrill isn't it? ) now, we have done this (at least..I have) several times before, and always got away with it, no breaks, no trouble (except this one time..but I'll get to that one later!) so we gas up and head out there...I am showing off..doing good icky muddy doughnuts, and my passenger was less than sober. I had promised her a while back that I COULD make her puke wheeling with me. She denied this excessively. "no way..nuh uh..' yada yada.

So there we are..spinning around really fast, and BUMP! I hit a bump....and over the Jeep started to go (did I mention I NEVER had a top on my Jeep? What's teh use? topless is best)....we start tipping to the passenger side..Wendy screams..her arm hits the ground..I turn the wheel...get the Jeep upright....and she looks at me and says "I want OUT". So..out she gets..goes to another friends truck...opens the door..looks at me...and BLAHHHHHHHHHHHH :oops: pukes like you have never seen! I did my job well. sly

 

OK. that same night..I carry on fartin around..and the Jeep feels funny... so I finally get out and look around..and lo and behold! ROLMFAO.....one of the sections of fence must have been under the mud..stuck in my rear spring! DERRRRRRRRR.

So..I try to get it off..won't go..so my friend decides he's going to stand on it to add some weight..I pull forward..fence comes off..he goes hiney over right into the mud! Well...no one would let him in their trucks (sniff sniff..babies) so i had to drive him home in the Jeep (as it was FULL of mud anyway..what did I care).

 

The guy who ended up in the mud..decides he want to bring his '80 Yota out the next day....so..we head out again...doin fine..playing...and he decides to go down the "Jeep trail" it's steep as hell either side..with a very short base..so Jeeps manage best as they have SWB...the hill is shaped like a V..and steep both sides.

So..we all warn him (did I fail to mention his BALD TIRES!) not to do it..he'll get stuck...well..stupid is as stupid does. He went down. We saw nothing until about 2 minutes later when we saw what seemed to be him trying to turn around... (did I fail to mention how NARROW this dip was, with a ditch on one side?)...then we saw nothing. We waited. Then we saw headlights again....but now they were like a search lights pointing directly to the sky! He had not seen the ditch and backed into it. So..we all clamber to the side of the hill...look down..and there he is..stuck as you like! So..not having enough tow straps and it being pitch black, we leave his truck for the next day. Recovery took my Jeep, a friends 73 Chevy 3/4 ton with a 454, and 110 feet of tow straps and chains to pull the Yota out! What a night!

[vengeful]

Hmm...lemme see...do you guys want the Nightime Wheeling, 151, or Ravine story?

[Precise1]

All of them Vengeful. Just all the titles combined spell disaster!

 

Here is one that I witnessed. A machine shop I used to work in was run by a gem of a co-owner named Dick Hunt (no joke). I could go on for days about this character, but I'll try to stick to the incident. He had just purchased large 4 axis pallet changing machining center and was booking jobs on it before it was even delivered. These things need special power supplies, air sources, repeated leveling, have break in procedures, etc. Needless to say it was a mad scramble to get it up and running. Friday (overtime day) a contract plumber came in to install the air lines for the machine. The existing air system (which runs along the ceiling beams) had been expanded for about 20 years with no real planning; it was soon discovered that air to 1/2 the building had to be shut off so this guy could tap into it. You now have 15 machinists standing around on overtime because their machines cant run. The building was a typical prefab industrial/warehouse type with 20' ceilings, and the plumber didn't have a ladder long enough so he called his shop to deliver the appropriate construction grade ladder. It was across town and would be there in 15 minutes. Somehow, the owner convinced the plumber to use the ladder we had, a household duty aluminum extension ladder rated at 180Lbs MAX. It barely reached at maximum extension. The stocky plumber set it up angled over the machine and climbed up with his torch, tool belt and parts bucket and got to work. That lasted about 5 minutes before the ladder buckled. I happened to be looking that direction so I saw the ladder buckle, twist, and loose contact with the ceiling beam. The plumper came down with -9.8M/S acceleration, bringing the flourescent light fixture with him which he grabbed at in panic. On the way down, he clipped the top of the machine, rebounded over to solidly strike the 8' steel utility cabinet's edge, careened off of the machine's chip conveyor and eventually wound up sprawled on the concrete floor on top of the light fixture and lots of broken glass. OH SHET !!

A lot of people ran over, and the first one there tried to get him up, telling him to 'shake it off'. Unfortunately I wasn't close enough to brain him with a torque wrench ! Enough people were sensible enough to get the plumber to stay down (moaning and groaning) while others called 911. Knowing that there was nothing else for me to do, I went outside to flag and direct the emergency crews. Just as I got outside a contractors truck pulled into the parking lot with a construction grade, reinforced fiberglass extension ladder. I gave him a 10 second explanation about how the ladder was no longer necessary and advised him to go check out his coworker and call his shop. The fire station is only 1/2 mile away, so 3 minutes later the paramedics arrived and I directed them in. Within 5 minutes they gurneyed his beaten body into the magic wagon and sailed off into the sunset.

Back inside most people were somewhat shocked and concerned, while the owner (clearly worried himself) was asking people what they saw and coaching/questioning them when they said things. Yep, liability was his concern. When he got to me, I said 'Didn't see it, sorry" and shortly went home. There was no one fault here. The plumber was stupid for listening to Dick and climbing 20 feet on a crappy old ladder, and the owner was an A$$ for his lack of planning and rushing the guy. Only the ladder was innocent.

The punchline is that the plumber was within 1 hour of finishing, then that day off to Vale for a 2 week ski trip. Instead he went to the hospital for a dislocated knee cap, multiple cuts and bruises and a nasty lump on his head. At least he was not more severely injured...

 

B

[hardwaretoad]

Oh Boy, there's some tough ones to beat, but I'll try... :o

 

Stupidity... pics to prove it.

 

A couple of months ago I was going to head into town and went out & started the Pathy up. Since it's black and had collected a night's worth of dust on it, I decided to go ahead and give it the ol' "California Duster" treatment as it was warming up. Best laid plans.... -thnkboutit-

 

I always park with the rig in 1st gear, parking brake on. I grabbed my duster off of the passenger side rear floor & transfered it to my left hand. Next move (one I've done countless times before) is to throw it into neutral while taking my foot off of the clutch. Now 9,999 time out of 10,000 it would've already been in neutral before I started it. Sorry to say, not this morning.

 

My hand slipped on the shifter, leaving it in 1st gear... too late ~ my foot was already coming off of the clutch. The rig jumped, trying to throw me out on the driveway, but I was too quick for it... I grabbed the steering wheel with my right hand but was still half upsidedown hanging out the door. If I let go, I fall out.

 

The bad part of all this was not only couldn't I get either of my feet to the pedals, I couldn't let go to turn off the ignition or slide it out of gear. To make matters worse I was blind, too... I hadn't even taken off my windshield shade.

 

BAM ! The Pathy stopped... but didn't quit, if you get my drift. Now it was busy trying to bury itself via the rear wheels, like a dog burying a bone, throwing gravel & digging holes. I got it shut off & climbed out, expecting not too much damage as it'd "only" gone about 20 feet or so, but worried about my Supra and how bad my indestructable 4x4 had dented it.

 

I climbed in & backed the Pathy up. Hmmmm, not too bad on the Supra ~ a cracked right side tail light, and some scratches on the bumper. I looked at the driver's side front bumper ~ nary a scratch ! ALLRIGHT !

 

But wait! How'd all that plastic get over by the truck ? :confused: I get to looking a little closer... the driver's side tail light's been smashed in the truck too !! Then I turn around and take a better look at the Pathy. Bumper tweaked under, passenger fender buckeled, corner light is toast... The '91 H/B truck has a real solid hitch mount bumper on it's a$$end. The 31's on the Pathy allowed the front bumper to go right over it, connecting solidly with the lower rubber valance and bottom of the fender, tweaking it down & buckeling the fender out. The truck received about a quarter-sized dent above the tail light. Three lights smashed, but not one bulb broken...

 

So there you have it... 3 cars all wrecked in less than 30 seconds in my own !@#$% driveway ! To top it off, by the time I finally made it to town, the place was closed because it was Columbus Day ! I never had to go in the 1st F'ing place.... :furious: -alcohol-

[88pathoffroad]

I did the same thing once on accident while parked right in front of the roll-up glass window garage doors at one of my old jobs. I took off and went home, there was nobody there to see what happened. ...needless to say, the next day there was a whole row of broken windows and creased aluminum paneling on the back of the store and when I came in for work everyone was asking me "Did you hear about the vandalism last night?!?" Oi...

[Mr. Pickles]

This was me having fun with somebody else's stupidity. Had an idiot parallel park in front of my old 720 truck in Seattle. For those of you that know the U District, this was right on Frat Row 1 block from campus where much grease is required to slide into a space. Well, this moron was in a Saturn and backed right into my bumper and stopped, got out and walked off quick as I waswalking up and saw this. He had to know what happened, as my truck moved a bit so he had to feel it. I hollered to him, but wasn't in the mood to run him down as he was pretty far off at that point. I checked it out and saw that the plastic car had done nothing to my steel bumper other than bend the license plate. So I hopped in, put her in gear, and gently (right!) nudged the P.O.S. plastic beast forward a bit with it in park, then pulled out and went on my way. Bet that guy was amused to see what happened to his bumper when he got back.

[k9sar]

My father was doing some work on our old truck and needed to remove the springs. I don't recall why but I vividly remember how. He threw a jack under the wheel and jacked up until the spring was well compressed. He then took some bailing wire and tied the spring into it's compressed state. (you can probably all see where this is going). He then lowered the rig and jacked up the body so the tire dangled and the spring easily came out. He placed it on the floor of the garage and started working on the other side. Soon thereafter, there was this very loud crash and little bits of metal showering down on us. There was also a beam of light coming into the garage through the hole in the door that the spring had just used to exit. Apparently, he had laid it on it's side close to the wall and, when the wire failed to contain the spring, it launched through the garage, out the door, off the other car and landed across the street.

[jj big shoe]

My brother used to own a Fiat TR-7 that never ran, so it was usually parked in a space across the street from our house so as to not block the driveway. He wanted to work on it one day, so I helped him push into the driveway. We pushed it from across the street and up the little hill that led into the driveway. Once we crested the little hill, the road sloped down enough for my brother to jump in the Fiat and coast into the driveway. So we push it over the hill, he jumps in and I'm watching him roll into the driveway. I see him kinda flailing around through the rear window in a panic as he's picking up speed down the hill headed straight for the closed garage door. As I'm thinking to myself "Why isn't he slowing down?" he and the Fiat go straight through the garage door. He didn't go all the way through, just up to the windshield because the rear of my Mom's new Saab was in the way. He's like "The brakes didn't work! The pedal just went to the floor!" I told him that I didn't see the brake lights come on at all. Ends up he was mashing on the clutch pedal instead. We lied and told my mom the car slid on an icy spot in the driveway so she wouldn't strangle him. She hated that Fiat ever since.