Self-Depreciation Alley

[Harbinger]

This is why I shouldn't own anything remotley new:

 

I had just bought my 99 GTI about a week before, and was ecstatic, as I had only had cumbersome trucks and junkers before.

 

So I take off for a local park, called table rock, which consists of driving up up and further up through rich neighborhoods and then to twisty/curvy roads to eventually end up at a mesa type location overlooking the grand ole city of boise.

 

Well on the way back down I decide to "see what this car has" and started pushing the limits right? Slowly gaining confidence as I gained speed. So finally, I come around this corner way to fast, and with tires screeching, promptly run off the opposite side of the road, taking out 4 fence posts with my front bumper, knocking my drivers wing mirror off, popping my drivers side marker signal out, throughly squishing my rocker panel and scaring the living daylights outta myself. I'm lucky the 4 airbags didn't blow!

 

So much for barely making the first payment....

[Mark]

Oh you poor bastard.

It always hurts the most when you know it's your own fault, doesn't it?

I've been there, too.

Is it an insurance job, or you gonna fix it yourself?

[k9sar]

dang... chalk me up for another. It's that time of the season where all the trees are putting out leaves and it's obvious which branches are dead and which are alive. To keep my kids safe, I like to remove the dead branches from my trees so they don't come crashing down at an inopportune moment and hurt someone. The trees in my yard are well over 60 ft tall and the force of a big branch coming down has already done some serious damage to my fence. Anyway, in order to get the branches down, I usually tie a weight to the end of a 100ft rope (3/8 in braided nylon) and throw it over the branch and pull. If it doesn't come down that way, I tie a high limb cutter (like a chainsaw chain with a loop at each end) to the end of the rope and pull it over the branch then cut it off. Well, there's one nifty little problem with nylon. Since it is made of tiny fibers and is very strong, it tends to hang-up on the bark and, if your weight isn't big enough, it won't pull the rope as it falls on the other side of the limb. This is what happened over the weekend. I tied a piece of a log onto my rope and gave it a heave. I missed the branch and caught the crotch of a healthy branch in the young tree beside it. At the trunk, this tree was only about 8" diameter but it was tall and flexible. Anyway, the log was not heavy enough to fall to the ground and I found myself with a 100 ft rope hooked into the top of a tree. Dang-it!!! I tried pulling it from as far away as I could (better angle to get it out). The tree would bend but the rope/log wouldn't budge out of the crotch. Being a man, the obvious solution was that I needed more power. I tied the end of the rope to my lawn tractor and started heading up the hill away from the tree. The rope was just long enough that I was able to get to the cement surrounding my pool and I then had much better traction and the wheels stopped slipping. I pulled another 15 feet or so across the concrete and then it happened. Picture the images that flashed through my head just as I felt the rope dislodge from the tree..... 100 feet of nylon rope which, as most prople know, does stretch. A log tied to the end of the rope and previously hooked in the tree. A young tree that is willing to bend until the top is far enough over to release the log. The other end of this tightly stretched rope tied to the back of my lawn tractor... which I'm sitting on. TWANG!!!!!! I barely had enough time to dive off the tractor as I looked over my shoulder and saw this wooden projectile heading right at me at considerable speed... trailing the rope to which it was attached. The tree swung to it's upright position with a loud WHOOSH!. I hit the pavement. The tractor lurched forward and stalled as I bailed off of it. The log flew past me, horizontally, having not touched the ground yet, and hit my steel shed with enough force to dislodge one of the doors and ring like the bells in the neighborhood church. My wife came running out to see what all the commotion was and I just laid there, amazed that I had done such a stupid thing and survived.

[Harbinger]

LMAO k9sar, its amazing how our lives can become looney tunes episodes in a matter of seconds.

 

And no, the insurance company knows nothing of my own little episode. In the works of fixing it myself. All thats left is the body work. (Yowch)

[88pathoffroad]

ROFLMAOBBQHEHE

 

Good one, k9sar. *snic*

[SC88Pathy]

Mine isn't anywhere near as funny as k9sar's but it is just as stupid.

Friday I went running on the beach with a couple of my buddies. I thought that we were going to stay on the beach so I took off my shoes (as did all 3 of my buddies) and left them in the Pathfinder (no I didn't go sand wheeling, no tire pressure gauge, and there was a life gaurd in a truck on the beach). We started running but soon we got to the end of the beach and the beginning of the yacht harbor. Instead of turning around and heading back we decided to continue running around the harbor to get to the next beach. At this point I should mention that the harbor isn't surrounded by sand, it's surrounded by cement. We ran around the harbor and got to the next beach, and I decided to take a look at my feet. I counted at least 3 blisters on each foot. But did we stop at this point? No! We were going to get to the NEXT beach, I mean our feet weren't bleeding so we were fine, right? Anyways we get to the end of that beach and walk through a bunch of Eucalyptus trees behind someones yard and get to a side street. I take a look at my feet again as now they are beginning to hurt really bad. I had two more blisters than last time and now one of my toes had a strip of skin hanging from it! I suddenly realised that walking any further was out of the question. Luckily a nice girl offered me and one of my friends a ride back to my Pathfinder. Driving the Pathfinder hurt so much, I'm just glad I didn't have to deal with a clutch. Now it's Tuesday and most of the blisters are gone. The toe is beginning to heal, but it still hurts as do 2 blisters which popped.

[Harbinger]

Yowch!

 

I'm reminded of a time a few months ago at a local watering hole. The watering hole in question is a gem of a place, for those of you familiar with boise its known as Ves's Broadway bar, cheapest drinks in boise and shares the same building as a chinese restraunt. But pitchers of american piss beer are only 5.25 with .25 games of pool

 

So on said night, with a couple of buddys, we had a few pitchers between the 3 of us and decided to walk over to one of the guys houses (he lived across the street) to visit mary jane. -alcohol-

 

After said meeting we floated back across the street back and into the bar. Now the broadway has a side entrance that slightly resembles a tin shack before going into the bar. The interior door is a HEAVY oak door that stands maybe 6-7 feet tall with a handle of wrought iron. This thing is massive.

 

Noting how massive the door was, I promptly proceeded to swing it open with all my might, because hey, i'm tough right? Well in my inebriated state the door edge smacked me right in the middle of my right eye, splitting my eybrow in two and making me bleed like a stuck pig with a massive headache.

 

So there I am, in Ves's broadway bar, holding wadded up toilet paper to my eye with one hand and a beer in another. I have NEVER been cooler. The toliet paper alone required a shot of penecillian.

 

Now I have one of my best war wounds ever, a perfectly vertical scar about .5 an inch long over my right eye.

[Precise1]

LMAO k9sar, I think the only thing that has kept you alive so long is fast reflexes at the last possible moment !!!! I was cringing 1/2 way through your tale... :o

 

Harbinger, your story is a lot like Marks from a while back. Check it out if you havent. War wound eh ? Would that be Bar Wars ?

 

B

[Harbinger]

Yeah I noticed some similarities :-) I've had some pretty fun experiences with 151 too!

 

And bar wars works I suppose, but only because people don't believe me when I say I got it in Nam :-)

Edited May 3, 2005 by Harbinger

[mws]

Wow! There's some real beauties here... Laughing harder than I have in weeks!

OK, here's my latest personal attempt at winning the Darwin awards...

 

Last year I was installing a proportioning valve and new brake lines in my Chevy Van (tow vehicle) after having installed a 14 bolt FF axle with disk brake conversion. I should mention it was a typically hot day in NoCal (about 95 to 100 degrees) and I'd been outside working pretty much all day. Yeah, that's it... It's not that I'm stupid, it was the heat! Yeah....

In order to run the new lines, I had disconnected the shift linkage from the steering column earlier in the day. At about 7:00 pm, my wife came out to see if I wanted to take a break for dinner. Sure, thinks I. I'm dehydrated as all heck and mentally as well as physically exhausted from working in the sun and heat all day. I really need a break. But before I do, let me take a quick look to see what I need to do to fab up the last fitting up underneath here so I can plan it out while I rest. It'll only take a second... I should put a chock under the tire, but I'm only going under for a second... So I drop down to the ground and slide under the van right behind the left front tire to look at the brake line right by the transmission. OK, that looks simple. Let's go eat!

 

I reach up to pull myself out. And I start to do so. As is typical in most of the stories, the next few paragraphs actually take about 5.2 seconds to occur...

Here's the running commentary in my head:

"Huh, what was that click? And my handhold moved. Interesting. Whoah, the van is moving. What the..?? Oh, crikey, I must have grabbed the shift linkage going into the transmission and knocked it out of park. Why did it move so easily? Oh yeah, I disconnected the linkage to the steering column. Hmm... That's something I had never consciously thought about - the positive stop to keep the vehicle in park must be in the steering column, so while working underneath the vehicle with steering column disconnected I should...."

 

The mental processing of my latest valuable learning experience was interrupted by the pressure of the left front tire rolling up on my right thigh. Did I mention my driveway is about a 4% grade? Needless to say, that's a significant part to the story.

 

Fast forward to about 1.6 seconds into the experience:

"Let's see, will my leg stop the progress of the rolling van? The front wheel on a van with a 383 engine weighs about, ohhh, 1500 pounds and my driveway is a 4% grade, doing a little trigonometry and force analysis....... Nope. It's going right over. That will hurt. I wonder how many pieces the femurs would be broken into? Probably don't want to find out. Guess I'd better get the legs out of the way..."

 

So I do a 90 degree spin to free the leg. It's quite remarkable how fast you can move - and how strong you are - when the adrenaline kicks in. I literally pulled my leg out from under the rolling tire - if was already under enough pressure that it ripped some skin off and bruised nicely. So now I'm lying flat on my back completely underneath the van with my feet pointing straight down hill and the van still rolling backwards down the hill. Back to the mental self discussion occuring about 2.1 seconds into Marty's wild ride...

 

"OK, not going to crush the leg, how do I stop this? Where's the linkage to put it back into park... reaching.... groping... aaack! Can't find it! Can I just lie flat here and let it roll over me? Where am I? Oh, man. I'm only about 4" in from the tire. I think the center part of the crossmember would clear, but where I'm at, the lower control arm is going to be going over me... and I'm quite sure my skull is thicker than the available clearance. And the sway bar link bolt hangs down even lower. That would hurt for a few milliseconds right up until when my skull exploded. Not good. What else can I do? Guess I gotta keep up or die..."

I vividly remember thinking all that. But it had to have happened within about .2 seconds. So I grab on to anything I can and hold on. My left arm is around the tranny. No idea where my right hand is.

 

"What about my legs??? I'm going feet first... Nothing to grab onto to pull myself up on. Oh crud. Gotta paddle! But my shins are about 24" long and there's only about 20" of clearance... If my feet double back too far, it's gonna be ugly. Way ugly. I have GOT to keep up but CANNOT let the shin go vertical." That's hard, by the way.

 

So now the wild ride is into full gear. The van is rolling backwards down the drive way. I'm holding on for dear life. I'm doing a mad scramble of baby steps to keep my feet out in front of me. I am praying at warp speed.

 

The thought process for the next 3 seconds is:

"ohshiohshiohshiohshiohshiOHSHIOHSHIOHSHI....."

 

Then woomph. We go off the end of the driveway and into the street. I do not have one of those dipped sidewalk "flat relieved" driveway entrances. The sidewalk remains perfectly flat and the gutter is the rounded convex curve. So the tires drop about 5" as they drop down to street level. After the rear tires drop through it, the ground clearance at the edge of the driveway starts decreasing, reaching the minimum right before the front tire drops in. Which, of course, is where I am. Thinks go a little hazy after that.

 

When I return to the land of the conscious, I hear my wife "areyouOKareyouOKohmygod ARE YOU OK...."

 

Hey, I better let her know I'll be OK before she freaks out. So I try to say so. Open the mouth to speak and calm her. What comes out. "arrahgruuuhuuggle"

Perfect. Sounded just like a death rattle. Hard to speak coherantly when you've you've had the wind knocked out of you.

Fortunately, my right arm works so I stick it out and give her a thumbs up while I gather my wits.

I hurt. Boy, do I hurt. Everywhere. Particularly, my back is on fire. The fact that I'm now lying on 130 degree asphalt gives me incentive to get out sooner rather than later. I do a quick limb check. Unbelievably, they all work so I slowly roll/crawl out. I crawl over to the comparitively cool 110 degree concrete sidewalk and collapse. My wife is doing amazingly well. She calmly asks if she should call 911 yet... I tell her I don't think so. After another 10 minutes of self appraisal, I make it to the bathtub to soak a while. I pass out twice while she scrubs all the dirt and gravel out of my butt and back. Didn't really lose all that much blood, but combined with the pain...

Final injury count summary:

- 0 broken bones. Unbelievable.

- Road rash from bottom of right butt cheek to neck. NONE of it clear through all the epidural layers. Maybe 1/16" to 1/8" deep at the most. Amazing.

- Heels bruised and torn

- Right thigh ugly from being half run over

- Right tricep ugly. Guess it got half run over, too.

- Good gash on the top of my head. I think the control arm hit and pushed me over the high spot of the concrete.

- So much torso, back, and internal organ bruising that I could hardly breathe or move for about 2 weeks. No sleep for a couple days.

THANK GOD my wife was standing there. She chased the van down the hill and managed to jump in right as we went over the edge. She also had the presence of mind to hit the emergency brake.

 

Guess what? I NEVER get under cars without multiple wheel chocks now!

[02silverpathy]

Wow guys these are the funniest andmost dangerous things i have ever heard...and i still ask advice!!! :o

 

so my contributions are 2 standard and 1 funny...

 

standard---while trying to pry a bent bolt from the fire wall of my '88 crx i am concentrating effort onto each muscle the ripples up my arm and is now pulsing with blood as i pull the over-crushed down vice grips harder and harder...with not even so much as a crackle from the firewall the bolt is freed (and now nearly straight again after later inspection!!) and i am dizzily trying to figure out who in the h*** hit me that hard in the eye that i can't find them in the garge with the good eye and and can't figure if i have the balance to return fire...whoops did i just remember thinking that the bolt came free??? after staggering around the garage for about 4 min i head back across the lawn to grab some ice before the whole world can ask if I think i'm stupid!

 

--in the garage with a buddy building sub-woofer boxes for "customers" i am filling some boxes with poly-fill and bud of mine is talking trash about my martha stewart style of spraying spray glue in the box...he is smoking--i am using an aero can. i point and jest that i'll flame him...he picks up a can and plays flame thrower with a can of PB Blaster and a spider who has bad misfortune on this day about 3 sec.s later i am doing the "hey i'm on fire dance" as he was screwing around this fireball about 2 feet in diameter crosses the garage (about 7 feet) and engulfs me---result-- no more goatee, half eyebrows, no more "fuzzies" on sweatshirt and nearly 6 yrs later my hands will never grow hair normal again!!! oh yeah, that smell sucks!! :o

 

FUNNY-- so i get a remote start on my 1988 crx which has had heavy doses of 401k monies (or what should have been) in it...yes it is a 5-spd....if you know hondas it has the JDM b16a in it with many additional mods that should yield just about 200HP at the wheels/the car is about 1700 lbs.

 

on this day it got its first set of wheels..a light weight set of 17" Konigs with Nitto 555 extreme rubber. to put these bad boys on and tighten i leave her in gear, you have guessed long before now what happend...i have never in the three years the car has had a remote start left it in gear...well, new rims and all got remote started across my backyard and into the appartment buildings rear porch support..with a large thud i knew too what happened...luckily i had not lowered it at all. it cleared the small concrete curb in the back and after smashing a third of the posts holding up the porch, it got hung up on the actual concrete porch below on the transmission case.........now, being that my landlord lives below me i had to act fast...he was not home having no idea what happend i grabbed a floor jack and some pvc and jacked up the porch called that guy that lit me on fire years earlier (he's a crazy heavy sleeper--whole conversations lost in sleep stuper) told his wife i crashed the car and was at home needing help with getting it off the concrete porch...hes over in no time we jack the car up on bottle jacks and tow it back wards allowing the bottle jacks to tip over repeatedly to get it off the porch....return the posts to their upright positions and quickly replace sod that the new tires chucked...then throw water and dirt on the freshly etched concrete and rinse to give it that not just drove over look...yeah--no damage to the car due to the excellent crash tested posts and the land lord never asked about mislpaced sod or odd concrete i did take pics that i will have to post of thecar agains house and distance traveled!!!

[Precise1]

Ye Gads Man !! I know well how fast one can move if you have the proper modivation, but what a way to prove it !! Just glad you were beaten, not broken...

 

B

[k9sar]

ya know, mws, it's not everyone who can run themselves over and live to laugh about it.

[mws]

Trust me, I fully recognize just how lucky I was.

The last great irony is that for years everybody called ME the anal retentive safety minded freak.... Shows to go you how we're all vulnerable to spasmodic attacks of mental retardation...

 

And I take great delight in laughing about it frequently!

It reminds me to be more careful ALL the time!

[94extreme]

bump

[Precise1]

I was thinking about this thread for a few weeks now, but I haven't done anything particularly stupid lately other than my 'normal' life. In the spirit of things, I'll go back 2 years at work.

I was setting up a cut on a semi-custom diamond turn machine. This job was about 1/2 way done (2-3 weeks into it) and was a 1 off tooling master for an R&D project. Just to put it into perspective, my time on that machine be it set up, running, programming, etc was billed at $300/hr. You do the math. I was bolting up a flycutter which is a 50 Lb, 16" long, 6 axis contraption that is cantelevered off the spindle. A guy came in and asked me if I had a certain tap. Not wanting to be interupted later, I broke the cardinal rule of finishing a step of the process before diverting attention. I went with him and dug the tap out of my tool box in a different building, and returned to my work. "Ok, where was I... Fly cutter is on, so install, set and test cut the tool bit" Right... I spent the next 3 hours setting the diamond bit, etc. When I had my basic numbers, positions and test cut program written I fired up the spindle to 1000RPM. Within 15 seconds, I started to hear a violent clunk-whap-cluck. WTF !! Blood pressure, pulse, and sphincter tension skyrocketed and I dove for the EMERGENCY STOP button, then sprinted away non tangent to the flycutter revolution. When the clunk-whap-cluck stopped along with the spindle, I went back to see what happened. The flycutter was obviously off center with all of the 12 1/4-20 cap screws backed out 1/2 way.

I had only finger snugged them before allowing myself to be interupted ! I damn near launched a 50lb steel object at 1000 RPM. Had I not been as quick or the bolts backed out faster or sheared, the damage would have been INSANE ! It is a $300K machine with a $50K air bearing spindle, and roller bearing ways that cost $20K just for lapping and maintenence. There is a 480V pannel 10 feet away, tangent to rotation; that would have made some nice plasma if the flycutter went through it.

As it was, the only damage was a .05" wide and deep gouge in the tooling master out side of the critical structure area. Doesn't sound like much, but the structure was only .004" tall... I broke a $800 diamond tool bit, but no big deal, I ordered 2, and wasted 4 hours work. Damage to my nerves and confidence was considerable. I got lucky !! It could have been $100K damage easy, not counting weeks of down time.

Sorry, I know thats all quite technical, but I'm sure a few people will understand. Thats the kind of thing that makes a machinist ignore the boss, punch out and head for the nearest bar while twitching violently. I have a photo of the machine/set up somewhere and will post it when it find it. It will make things much more clear.

 

B

[Slick]

dayum B... almost got beheaded or ruined some seriously expensive equipment! WOW! you got luckaaaaaaaaaaaay

[FLApathy]

at the fd i was in full gear, all 80 pounds, and i had ran up and down the 4 story training tower and was coming out to finish the drill, which was to hit this called the sled its hard to explain so i wont, but i had to step up on top of it and as soon as i did i sliped off and stepped into the grease that was on it and just kinda tumbled with all my gear on it sucked

 

 

in this next story im in the same gear but its pitch black

 

at the same place there is a maze we got to do, its like a 4 story biulding on one floor, but there are these ropes you got to crawl through and as you do the floor drops out below you so the best way is over top, so as i was crawling over the top and i got stuck and was unable to find the rope in front of me to pull my weight, after doing this so many times you know were things are at, so i missed the rope and front flipped forward in the wall, fell downward after hitting the wall and contined falling down the ramp slamming into the other wall that was at the end of the ramp

 

ropes

 

now as you can see you come down the ramp with the ropes tangled on the ramp, its wedge shape

 

 

here is the sled

 

sled

 

and thats me on the sled, cool

Edited August 6, 2005 by FLApathy

[kmgar99]

Here's one for those electricians out there.....I do Building maintenance and at one of my jobs we were retrofitting new energy saving ballasts into 1500 flourescent fixtures...Live Mind you...277 volts.....During the offices normal hours...The office was a three story 130,000 square foot open floor space office with rows and rows of 12 person modular furniture workstations.......As most of you know when you do something over and over again in a short amount of time you get careless sometimes.....Well with most office lights, they are looped together so when you flip one light switch you turn on many lights......This means that there are multiple Hot or Live wires inside the fixture, so you have to be careful and make sure you disconnect the power source going to the ballast your working on and not the power wire that passes throught o the next light...I have been shocked by 277 several times during this 3 week retrofit and I always get mad at myself when I do it.....

Anyway, I was on a 6' ladder and I reached up to cut the wires comming out of the ballast after I thought i had disconnected the right hot lead....But NO! Not only dd I cut through the leads comming out of the ballast but I was supporting myself by holding on to the fixtures frame..(I know Stupid!) After I got my vision and hearing back I found myself lying on my back on top of a ladies workstation 10 feet away...BTW she was screaming "He's Dead, call 911"...She finally stopped screaming after I stood up.....

Man that was a dumb thing to do......

[88pathoffroad]

Holy crap, man. I guess so!

[Precise1]

Well, there I am setting a rat trap... (can you tell where this is going ?) The catch on the trigger plate is a rather tenuous affair, but I have done this many times... Well, as I'm holding the loaded trap improperly (with my thumb on the top) and putting it on the shelf in the storage area, I bump it slightly on the side. SNAP !!

It nails the bone (after the first joint) dead center. To round things out, the trigger plate manages to catapult a glob of peanut butter directly into my right eye. Ok, first I'm startled, then I leap about randomly 1/2 blinded for a few seconds due to the pain, shock and awe... Well, considering that the storage area is an unlit enclosed area under a deck crammed with my odds and ends, leaping at all is ill advised...

Within seconds I manage to trip over/knock over/ entangle and/or gash and impale myself on various goodies like a mountain bike, a large candlabra, several jack stands, a chopping maul, VW Bug bumper, brooms, a garden hose that was hanging and the nail it was hanging on. Ok, once the crashing, thrashing and screaming has stopped, I pick myself out of the debris tangle and make my way into the light.

Damage control informs me that other than several abrasions, bruises, a lump on my head, a long forgotten muscle near my butt that seems to be on fire, attempted puncture wounds and one successful on my shoulder from the nail, I'm in good shape ! Oh yeah, there seems to be a rat trap hanging off of my thumb, but that is no longer a concern as I can no longer feel it.

I pry the torture device off and go try to clean the peanut butter out of my eye. Further investigation shows that the brain denies any existance of a thumb on the right hand. My eyes claim it is still attached, although a ghastly white color but it responds fairly well to commands. Probing indicates that it is not broken. Well, at least it is not floppy nor are there any bone shards sticking out. So I ice it for a bit and wait to see what happens. About 2 hours later communication is slowly restored with the brain and the thumb spends all of its time screaming. To make up for the black out and limited bandwidth, the thumb send zipped files of agony for the brain to expand. After a few hours of this, I'm begining to wonder if it would be better just to chop it off... Just as I'm eyeing the cleaver, the pain reduces to howling agony and within 4 hours settles down to a mellow stab per heart beat.

Well, it healed just fine within a week and now I hold rat traps by their outer edges, well clear of the contact area. Be warned...

 

B

[k9sar]

I'm forever telling my boys not to run around the house with socks on because they could slip on the tile or in the kitchen and get hurt. Well... last night, I was cleaning up after dinner and one of my dogs decided it was a good time to play. She hunkered down in one of those "I'm gonan pounce you" poses and gives a series of low woofs and growls. I make a break towards her and she bolts into the other room. I make a quick turn and head into the dining room through the other doorway which sends her in another fast lap around the downstairs. This goes on for a couple minutes, constantly changing direction and burning lap-marks in the carpet. I decide to catch her off guard and come at her from a blind side so I charge across her path behind her so I can be on the other side of the hallway. Then, when she loops around and looks for me, I'm on the other side and I can really send her through the roof. Did I mention that I was in my socks? Ok, I dart into the hallway (tile floor) and slam on the brakes to turn back towards her and my feet shoot out from under me. I was close enough to the wall that my heels actually hit and cracked the drywall. I landed on my left elbow and head with a big thud. Next thing I know, my kids are running in asking if I'm ok. The dogs are licking my face and my wife is standing over me with one of those condescending looks on her face. I can tell that she is secretly laughing her ass off at my expense since I did exactly what I tell my boys not to do.

 

Bottle of advil... $2.49

Drywall repair... $10

Look on my wifes face... priceless

Dignity repair... ain't gonna happen for a long time.

[Pezzy]

...rocking out with the stereo cranked, just generally feeling spunky and in a good mood. For some reason (which I cant remember-Wonder why...) in my boundless exuberance I LEAPT across the room...

That just spells trouble. I never did read these stories before tonight. I've been laughing until I was crying several times. The above quote sparked a complete loss of composure, and I'm sure I woke my sleeping husband with my laughter. Only because, of course, it hits home a little too close.

 

I'm sure a few of you remember I broke my toe a few months ago. I still havent told my husband how I did it, other than I accidently punted the chair in the living room. I was lucky enough that he didnt ask how in hell I mananged that. He already thinks me stupid enough. Do I really need to tell him I was up late and rocking out with my bad self to some music? Do I need to tell him that for one brief moment I though I was cool, and that I can dance and sing and have a right fine time listening to some tune that put me in a right great mood? No. I dont think so. He may find & read this thread, and only then I suppose he will find that I was having a great ol time at god knows what time in the morning when I danced my way over to the chair and *HOOF!* HOLY MOTHER OF GOD!!!! *Hops over to a chair, hold foot as tight as possible afraid to let go*

 

Yeah, that will knock the wind out of any good mood fast. The music was turned off, and I tried unsuccessfully to move my toes, and decided it was time to go to bed.

[Terrano]

Yeah, that will knock the wind out of any good mood fast. The music was turned off, and I tried unsuccessfully to move my toes, and decided it was time to go to bed.

I'm sorry, but I was laughing out loud right here in the office while reading your story )))

Though I understand what you felt... I don't know how I haven't broken my toes yet, because I hit different obstacles at home for so many times))) Once I was 100% certain that when I'd look at my toe I'd see only half of it left

[Pezzy]

I suppose this one is only remotely funny, as I didnt cause myself any real pain, only embarrassing myself, and I'm sure making the neighbours hate me.

 

Back in the day, when I still had old puttputt, my Mazda B2200 pickup, it had an aftermarket alarm, that had been acting a little wonky. It's 8:00 am one bright morning, and I'm off to go to work. Although it had an alarm, the truck didnt have remote locks, so I had to use the key to get in. I suppose I had forgotten to disarm the alarm when I unlocked and proceeded to open the door. *WEE! WEE! WEE! WEE! WEE! WEE! WEE!* Alarm blazing out into the morning air...*WEE! WEE! WEE! WEE! WEE! WEE! WEE!* So I grab the remote, press it. *WEE! WEE! WEE!* Nothing. Press a few more times. *WEE! WEE! WEE!* Nothing. I'm running around the truck trying to get this stupid thing to shut the hell up. I'm no stranger to how people hate the sound of a car alarm, I'm one of those people. And I'm also a morning person, and if I didnt have to be at work that morning, I would have been right pissed that some jackass' alarm was blaring away ruining my beauty sleep. I try to get in it, and jam the key in the ignition, an old BF of mine had an alarm that that would cure the noise. No go. Ok, remote battery must be dead. So I run to the house, unlock the door, punch the code in, and go find my spare keys... all to the tune of *WEE! WEE! WEE! WEE! WEE! WEE! WEE!* Run back outside and and continue my little wave and press the remote towards the truck dance. *WEE! WEE! WEE!* The alarm will play no part in this game and kept on singing until finally the 5 minutes or whatever the set time is on those things is, ran out.

 

*Phew* peace and quiet, finally.... noo... what's that noise? *WHAA! WHAA! WHAA! WHAA! WHAA! WHAA! WHAA!* Oh for craps sakes!! The house alarm! In my race to get the second set of keys, I must have mistyped in my code, and because of all the noise the truck was making I didnt hear it bitch at me when I had it wrong. So I take off for the house and punch in my code.

 

FINALLY PEACE & QUIET!! No wait, WHAT NOW! The phone is ringing. I run into the house in time for whoever to hang up. I realize now that the alarm company could very well be calling the police to my house and I am in a mad dash about the house to find the phone number to the alarm company when the phone rings again, I run to the phone once again, as I'm upstairs tearing apart the file cabinet, (and to be honest I never did find the number... I best look for that eh?)... caught the phone this time, and the alarm guy & I had a real good laugh at my whole truck & house alarm story.

 

That all cleared up, I still have to get my ass to work, and now I'm pretty late. (as usual!) But... hmm.. did I ever disarm the truck? *clicks button on remote* *WEE! WEE! WEE! WEE! WEE! WEE! WEE!* OH FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!!

 

That is when, by rights I should have gone into the house, closed the door, let the alarm have it's five (more) minutes of fame, take off my shoes and crawl back into bed. It turned out the alarm was fuggered, and I later ended up disconnecting it for good.