87 and 87a are both switched, but they're switched opposite of each other. 87 is turned on by the coil. 87a is turned off by the coil.
If you do better with pictures (I know I do), try this.
As drawn, the coil is not energized (headlight switch off, in your case). Spring tension is holding common (30) against normally closed (87a), and away from normally open (87). When the coil is energized, its magnetic field pulls on the armature, which pushes that middle contact up, holding common (30) against normally open (87) and away from normally closed (87a).
If it's still clear as mud, maybe this guy can explain better than I can.
TL;DR, your relays have a feature that is not useful in this application. Ignore 87a and treat them like four-pin relays.
While we're on the topic of relay harnesses, make sure yours is connected to the battery through a decent fuse. Mine's connected to an aux fusebox I added on for that and a few other circuits, but when I first set it up, I didn't know better, and I used something like this crap. Water got in, the weak little contacts corroded, the corroded contacts got hot under normal load, the plastic melted, and then my headlights quit working mid-corner in the dark on a rural highway. I replaced that garbage with a rubber fuse holder (this style, though I think I bought mine locally). Much better connections, takes the same fuses as the rest of the truck, never let me down, highly recommended. I only swapped that for the aux fusebox because I had three or four of those things bouncing around, and that bothered me.