merlinx Posted April 7, 2007 Share Posted April 7, 2007 This is to married people. Lately after having two kids im finding that I think of my wife as mom. She is always telling me what to do and what not to do. If I dont listen then we have to do the dreaded talk which I hate!!! In a few weeks she is going away for a week and I find myself looking forward to it. Like ateenager when his parents leave. Is this normal? I always thought a wife should be someone you get along with and do things togethr not watch my every move and make sure she dont catch me. I have to hide smoking and dinking. Not that I do it that much but If I do I get a lecture or the look. f I cuss or use racial slurs (Im not a racist and a person of color myself) that I grew up using its not allowed. Is this normal? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Slick Posted April 7, 2007 Share Posted April 7, 2007 i am not married, but no.. that is not normal. she has begun treating YOU as one of the kids,and i suggest you do NOT allow it to go on. or you will end up in misery. i suggest YOU, sit HER, down for one of those talks, and let her know how you feel. reassert yourself as the man of the house, not the third child. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Precise1 Posted April 7, 2007 Share Posted April 7, 2007 Yep, Slick has basically said it. To put it bluntly, it's time for you to reclaim your testicles. I'm no macho man "the pants rule the family" guy, but wait a minute! You can not do everything to please the other in a relationship. That will never end and there will always be more that you have to compromise, again and again. What about her shortcomings? There will always be some friction or issues (on both sides) that the other just has to accept. Thats the nature and balance of a healthy relationship. Do not give up your habits or nature unless they are truely unhealthy, offensive or distructive in nature; you know the difference. After all, she was aware of it/them before the marriage? As for looking forward to her leaving, I have a good relationship with my live in GF. She occasionally takes trips to visit her family, a few hundred miles away. We both look forward to this time. Sometimes she even asks me if I need some 'alone time' this weekend. She understands my need to have some time where she is not underfoot (and probably wants to be away from me). THIS IS HEALTHY!!! Just to put it in perspective, while writing this, I told the GF "Shut up, I'm trying to reply and I cant do that with you babbling. Just shut up for a few minutes, OK? *kiss*" and all was well... It's all about balance and perspective. I think it's time you have a firm talk with the wife, but listen to what she says. Try to find a compromise or consider if you have made a mistake. Luck, Bud... B Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pezzy Posted April 7, 2007 Share Posted April 7, 2007 I gotta agree with Slick & B... I know the feeling... being "mom'ed" is frustrating, and you'll only end up bitter about it. Time to have a talk and let her know how you feel. I'm sure you know that communication is key in a relationship, and it's true... both partners need to be able to talk, and listen, and exchange ideas and feelings. Like Slick said, you are supposed to be equals. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Simon Posted April 7, 2007 Share Posted April 7, 2007 All good points. Just to add, from a fellow smoker's perspective. Pezzy is not a big fan of it. She's never been on my case about it, which is good, as I don't take nagging well. I don't smoke in her vehicle, or our apartment. However, I do not hide it, and I don't feel pressure to quit. You can't quit for anyone else anyways, it'll never work. I did it before, and started smoking again in no time. When it's time for you to quit, in your own mind, you will. As Precise1 said, it's time to take back your testicles. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jj big shoe Posted April 7, 2007 Share Posted April 7, 2007 To answer your original question: Yes, it's normal. Most women (at least the ones I've left) have a natural urge to control their environment and unfortunately, you're in her environment. Good luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
muttmobile Posted April 7, 2007 Share Posted April 7, 2007 While it may be 'normal' it certainly isn't healthy (in terms of your relationship and your mental/emotional well-being). Like the others have said - communicate. Let her know how you're feeling (without making her feel you're attacking her - ie, don't go saying "i hate when you do this...i hate when you do that...") and hopefully she'll let you know why she feels she needs to 'mom' you and you guys can start hashing it out. Once the communication begins all-else is feasible. And if you guys can't seem to work it out on your own, you can always go see a referee (marriage counselor). good luck, al Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
govols74n Posted April 7, 2007 Share Posted April 7, 2007 (edited) I don't know, but the topic title grosses me out......... :oops: Edited April 7, 2007 by govols74n Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
muttmobile Posted April 7, 2007 Share Posted April 7, 2007 I don't know, but the topic title grosses me out......... :oops: hey, at least it's better than thinking of your mom as wife Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
88pathoffroad Posted April 7, 2007 Share Posted April 7, 2007 I'd just get some sarcasm going and say "Yes, mother" every time she does it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
merlinx Posted April 7, 2007 Author Share Posted April 7, 2007 Thanks for the words of wisdom. Seems that a few of you arnt married. Are any of you that answered me married? Just curious cause things are different between GF, live in GF and married, I know that from experience. AS for what I was saying her acting like mom she doesnt rule me!! Its not like she says "don't do something" and I don't. Actually the opposite is true but thats when the taking starts. Im a guy with limited word to use per day so sometimes I feel its easier to do things with out her knowledge than to TALK. I was just wondering if this was normal. Ive talked to a few friends who are married and they say it is. My friend always calls me from his Garage because he doesnt want to argue with his wife about drinking too much. I hear about stuff like that all the time. jj big shoe, I must say I think I agree with you. You must be married ;-) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
94extreme Posted April 7, 2007 Share Posted April 7, 2007 To answer your original question: Yes, it's normal. Most women (at least the ones I've left) have a natural urge to control their environment and unfortunately, you're in her environment. Good luck. lol.. it seems to be normal but i find it unhealthy and it has not been my norm. listen to all the above. TALK is definitely the first step. YOU do the TALKing this time. having to hide thing is really not good. misery someone said.. yup.. avoid it when you can.. now, go get them nutz back, buddy. seriously! good luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
94extreme Posted April 7, 2007 Share Posted April 7, 2007 Just curious cause things are different between GF, live in GF and married, I know that from experience. it's not any different unless you want or let it be different. a piece of paper changes everything? hmm Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pezzy Posted April 8, 2007 Share Posted April 8, 2007 I'd just get some sarcasm going and say "Yes, mother" every time she does it. lol, I used to say that to my ex. I can agree somewhat about women taking on that 'mother role' but I dont think it's fair she makes you feel like one of the kids... Also, speaking for the wife/gf side of things, I would much prefer you be honest to me about what youre doing. Take Simon's example, he smokes, I hate it... but if he told me he quit, and I found out otherwise I'd be WAY more pissed about it. I'm a guy with limited word to use per day so sometimes I feel its easier to do things with out her knowledge than to TALK. That's not healthy... I came from a relationship where we never talked. I was married. I'm not now. The only time he found was good enought to finally sit down & talk, was when it was too late... dont do that to yourselves. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trainman Posted April 8, 2007 Share Posted April 8, 2007 First, I am married, 18 years, 2 kids. No affairs (that I know of ), no real issues. But we get along very well, she does not drink at all (allergic), I drink a bit but she never rags on me as she sees how much others drink. We have a good relationship of give and take without hiding anything from each other. But there are times when I am glad she takes off for a girls week, just so I can re-group and do Daddy stuff with the kids. I think it really depends on the personalties of each partner, all relationships are different. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Simon Posted April 8, 2007 Share Posted April 8, 2007 Time away is definitely key. No two people can spend every minute of every day together. Respect, communication, and love are what makes a relationship work. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Slick Posted April 8, 2007 Share Posted April 8, 2007 Time away is definitely key. No two people can spend every minute of every day together. Respect, communication, and love are what makes a relationship work. :bow: amen. and i agree with pezzy... i have been in 3 long term relationships, never married (by choice) and it is what you make it. i treat every serious relationship as a marriage.. i accept the same vows as a couple who stands at the altar and says "i do".... i just save my money for pathy upgrades instead of a wedding sly :o Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kn0xville Posted April 8, 2007 Share Posted April 8, 2007 im married, almost 5 years now. I do what i want when i want, and so does she, but we still keep repect for each other and know what we can and CANT do. Itd be the DAY that my wife ever told me what i can or cant do. Id never do it to her and she wouldnt ever do it to me. Shes my wife, NOT my mother. So ya, get your balls outta her purse and have a nice talk with her. Shes suppose to be your best friend... would you let your best friend tell you what to do? Oh and i smoke, she dont, but its my house too. If she didnt like it, then theres no reason she couldnt go outside when i wanna smoke. Now if any of you ever see my wife, i never said any of this! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
94extreme Posted April 8, 2007 Share Posted April 8, 2007 Oh and i smoke, she dont, but its my house too. If she didnt like it, then theres no reason she couldnt go outside when i wanna smoke. Now if any of you ever see my wife, i never said any of this! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vengeful Posted April 8, 2007 Share Posted April 8, 2007 Speaking of your wife, how's she doing Kris? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kn0xville Posted April 8, 2007 Share Posted April 8, 2007 pretty good. little bitchy right now cuz its tax season, so shes gotta work 6-7 days a week. But other than that.. good. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
milehighcowboy Posted April 8, 2007 Share Posted April 8, 2007 Oh and i smoke, she dont, but its my house too. If she didnt like it, then theres no reason she couldnt go outside when i wanna smoke. Now if any of you ever see my wife, i never said any of this! i could not tell you how many times my dad has said that about talk he mas given my and then said ok so if she asks i told you this but really only remeber the other stuff i told you lol. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vengeful Posted April 8, 2007 Share Posted April 8, 2007 I'm sorry...What? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pezzy Posted April 8, 2007 Share Posted April 8, 2007 i could not tell you how many times my dad has said that about talk he mas given my and then said ok so if she asks i told you this but really only remeber the other stuff i told you lol. I could not tell you how many times my dad has said that about a talk he has given me, and then said 'ok so if she asks if I told you this, only remember the other stuff I told you.' lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
govols74n Posted April 8, 2007 Share Posted April 8, 2007 I could not tell you how many times my dad has said that about a talk he has given me, and then said 'ok so if she asks if I told you this, only remember the other stuff I told you.' lol Wow, thank god for translators..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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