Slartibartfast

The not-revving-past-3k means the computer's put in fail-safe mode. Given the whole running backward thing I'll bet it's getting all kinds of dire warnings from the knock sensor. If you want confirmation, do what he did and try a timing light. Also, thanks for bumping this, I had no idea it was even possible to run a VG30 backwards.

That thing must have one hell of a radio in it.

Oh, 4chan. I like the sandwich sword idea, or you could just pull a needle out of something else. A clock hand could be fun, and not too difficult. Just cut the remaining needle to the point where it'll fit the clock hand.

... that would explain it. I'll pull the panels and clean up the mechanisms, and see if that helps. I pulled the alarm module before I saw this. I'll give it a look over just to rule it out. The truck seems to operate fine without it (backed it out and parked it in a different spot), and the locks still work, but I can't say whether it did anything to improve them (gotta love intermittent issues). It's got a little switch on it (labelled SW2) which sticks out through the side of the case. It's in the middle now, but the silkscreening on the board shows it on the far left. Something to do with setting up keyfobs?

Mine didn't come with a keyfob, the PO lost it (I've sometimes wondered if it's jammed somewhere with a bolt up against the lock button). The unlock button on the door panel unlocks them alright, but half the time they lock again on their own, or as soon as someone shuts the door. I've done the lock timer twice. Pathy be trippin.

I haven't yet. I've considered going through (or at least unplugging) the keyfob receiver that's under the driver's seat, but I haven't tried it yet. I'll let you know if it helps.

These.

When my horn quit working, I cleaned the sliding contacts behind the wheel, and it worked again. I think after a while the grease/dust/hair gets too nasty to put power through.

I'm going to go out on a limb here and suggest that it's not the alty that's the problem. I've gotten DOA parts before but three in a row seems a little suspicious. Check the connections?

Hardb0dy, sounds like a weak battery to me. It started slowly because it wasn't getting a lot of power, you shut it off before it could recharge, then it didn't have the cojones to get the motor going. Unless it's making horrible noises it's not the flywheel and I doubt it's the starter. (When mine went bad, the bendix quit working, so it would just sit and squeal.) The only way this could be the starter would be if there was a great chunk of something high-resistance in the starter solenoid. Unless someone went out while it was parked and ran the starter until the coils burned up, it's either a bad connection or a weak battery. (Maybe the door didn't quite latch and the dome light stayed on?) OP, good to hear.

Don't use graphite in a power lock. My driver's lock was dirty, I blew some flake graphite into it, and it went from sometimes locking the doors when you'd shut one to running the solenoid against the key (so I have to hold the key and pull the handle or it'll turn the key back). I usually have to hold the unlock button down to let a passenger out. I checked and resoldered the connections in the lock timer and it's fine. Clearly not the same as your problem, but I'd say unless you want to feel my pain, stay away from graphite! (And no, it's not the timer, I resoldered most of its connections twice with no improvement.) The windows are a common problem, silicone spray lube in the window tracks apparently fixes it.

Compressed air? Maybe you could blow hard enough that it would pop back into view at least. I'd probably bend up a piece of wire and fish around with that.

Google, fools.

Got a new full-size spare tire to replace the cracked undersized factory spare.

That squeaky sounds a little like mine, and I'm pretty sure it's the AC idler.

Got a new set of driving lights and some tools. And a box of cereal, for some reason. Hope you all had a good one.

It's an LSD, so... maybe somebody put the wrong oil in it once, the clutches disintegrated, and you're hearing the bits of clutch in the bearings? There are two sets of gears in a differential: the ring and pinion, and the spiders. LSD just makes it harder to turn the spiders. If you blow out the spiders, the diff would no longer drive the wheels, but that only really happens under insane torque (think drag racers). The ring and pinion turn the diff casing (what the spiders are mounted in). To understand how hard it'd be to lock these up, consider this: ever tried to shift and heard the gears grind? Or accidently hit the starter when the car's already running? The gears, which are designed to mesh, can't, because of their different speeds. A little chunk of bearing would have to be perfectly shaped, timed, and placed to have any effect. But if you did somehow seize the ring and pinion, the driveshaft would be locked up, and (unless the truck's momentum against the seized rear end blew the spiders), the axle would be locked as well. It doesn't sound like your bearings are coming apart in chunks. I'm no expert, but I wouldn't worry about it. If it worries you, drive a little slower, keep an ear out, and maybe check the diff for heat once or twice.

He's got Hardbody lights. The square Pathy lights look a little odd with no grille. I don't think puddles would be a problem, as the air intake's in the fender. To get water in through the front you'd have to be behind/beside someone plowing through a puddle, and even then you'd get only marginally more than with the grille and bumper installed. I know in WA it's illegal to drive w/o bumpers. Doesn't stop people though. It's just one more thing for the cops to write you up for after stopping you for something else. I wouldn't bother. It'd look ghetto as hell, but more importantly, you'd be removing all the protection from the radiator, putting you one moron in a Kia (or one failed attempt at a taller tree stump) away from a busted rad instead of a dented bumper. Also, Pathy bumpers are a royal pain to remove. The bolts are made of soft cheese, they'll all be stuck, and there's no room to swing a wrench. If you're determined to pull something off the front end, you could pull the grille and cut around the main opening. But again, you'd be opening your rad to damage. You could mesh in behind it but that's fast approaching rice.

Gunned it over a bump in my friend's yard and got the front wheels off the ground. Also dumped everything from the dash into the footwell...

Be very careful with the MAF if you decide to clean its guts, they're a bit fragile. You should be fine with the plugs though.

Any chance it's the dreaded clogged cooler?

Nice! Now stay away from puddles with that intake. I like your adaptor though. Any increase in power with the new filter?

My question would be, which is in better shape? The frames on these are notorious for rusting out above the rear axle. Put it on a jack stand, pull the wheel off, and beat on the side of the frame. If it's clean and solid, you're a lucky SOB. If not, you're like the rest of us, and you're looking at either welding a patch or scrapping it. Also check under the rear seats, they like rusting through there. If one's in significantly better shape than the other, build that one up, and use the other for parts. I like the look of two-doors better, but 4-doors are easier to transport people in. If your heart's set on one, might as well go for it. Otherwise, unless the 87's in much better shape, I'd build up the 94. Body lifts, from what I've read, are about compensating for the IFS and making the tires clear the arches. I guess they're not really needed with a solid axle swap. So, if you want to make a proper trail rig, don't bother with body lifts, just SAS and go. Which way to go really depends on what you plan to do with it. If you want to jack it up and drive over rock piles, SAS will add a whole lot of flex and eliminate the steering and alignment issues of IFS. If it's a daily driver that you sometimes take out on the trail, SAS is overkill. SAS usually involves pulling an axle from a wrecked Jeep, fabricating mounts for the suspension links, and bolting it up. It's not bolt-on, but I think someone on here's made (or is making) a kit. It would still require welding. Keep in mind however that my truck's pretty much stock, so I don't know any of this firsthand.

Mine had the same fluctuating idle issue, only the engine did cut out (often in traffic). I never figured out just what was causing it, but messing with the intake seemed to fix it, leading me to suspect an air leak somewhere, or a poorly seated connector for the throttle position sensor or mass air flow. I packed both connectors (they looked fine) with dielectric grease and have had no trouble with it since, so... And welcome, there's a ton of good info here.

Then hit a junkyard and pull a bed off another HB. You might even find one that matches, or if it bugs you you could repaint the truck. Color's the least of its worries now though.