PFCFNG Posted July 25, 2008 Share Posted July 25, 2008 When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive... so, I took her to a gas station... And then the fight started... ********************************************************************** ** After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later. The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application. When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office. She said, 'you should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too.' And then the fight started... ********************************************************************** * My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table. My wife asked, 'Do you know her?' 'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.' 'My God!' says my wife, 'who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?' And then the fight started... ********************************************************************** * I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny? Yeah, well I couldn't believe it... he was a DWARF!!! He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, 'I AM NOT HAPPY!!!' So, I looked down at him and said, 'Well, then which one are you?' And then the fight started... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pezzy Posted July 25, 2008 Share Posted July 25, 2008 'My God!' says my wife, 'who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?' *snort* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Precise1 Posted July 25, 2008 Share Posted July 25, 2008 He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, 'I AM NOT HAPPY!!!'So, I looked down at him and said, 'Well, then which one are you?' Grumpy is my guess... Ok, let me try... My GF has been talking to me, suggesting she get a boob job. Now, I like her the way she is and don't want to waste the $ that way. About the 5th time she brought up wanting a boob job, I was pretty annoyed. I suggested she tried a different process first. "Like what." she asked. "Twice a day, for the next month, rub some toilet paper between your boobs." I replied. "What is that supposed to do?" she questioned. "Wonders!! Look what it did for the size of your ass..." I snapped. Then the fight started... B Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
navygz19 Posted July 25, 2008 Share Posted July 25, 2008 lollers Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PFCFNG Posted July 25, 2008 Author Share Posted July 25, 2008 Grumpy is my guess... Ok, let me try... My GF has been talking to me, suggesting she get a boob job. Now, I like her the way she is and don't want to waste the $ that way. About the 5th time she brought up wanting a boob job, I was pretty annoyed. I suggested she tried a different process first. "Like what." she asked. "Twice a day, for the next month, rub some toilet paper between your boobs." I replied. "What is that supposed to do?" she questioned. "Wonders!! Look what it did for the size of your ass..." I snapped. Then the fight started... B Good one! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
unccpathfinder Posted July 28, 2008 Share Posted July 28, 2008 The Wal-Mart Greeter A very loud, unattractive, mean-acting woman walked into Wal-Mart with her two kids, yelling obscenities at them all the way through the entrance. The Wal-Mart greeter said pleasantly, "Good morning, and welcome to Wal-Mart, Nice children you have there. Are they twins?" The ugly woman stopped yelling long enough to say, "Hell no, they ain' t. The oldest one's 9, and the other one's 7. Why the hell would you think they're twins? Are you blind, or just stupid?" "I'm neither blind nor stupid, Ma'am," replied the greeter. "I just couldn't believe you got laid twice. Have a good day and thank you for shopping at Wal-Mart." Then the fight started... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
k9sar Posted July 29, 2008 Share Posted July 29, 2008 I knew my wife wanted a new sports car for her birthday but I continued to play dumb no matter how she hinted. Finally, disgusted, she came right out and said that she wanted something shiney and silver that goes from 0 to 200 in a matter of seconds. I bought her a scale. Then the fight started Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Precise1 Posted July 29, 2008 Share Posted July 29, 2008 *snicker* B Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nunya Posted July 29, 2008 Share Posted July 29, 2008 he he he, I liek this thread, simple enough even for me to understand Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
k9sar Posted July 31, 2008 Share Posted July 31, 2008 A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.' The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.' And then the fight started..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dagwoodzz Posted July 31, 2008 Share Posted July 31, 2008 The out of towner at the Boar's nest said "Duct tape can not fix that." Then the fight started. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ISlandBoy Posted July 31, 2008 Share Posted July 31, 2008 Little Katie comes home from first grade and tells her father that they learned about the history of Valentine's Day. 'Since Valentine's Day is for a Christian saint and we're Jewish,' she asks, 'Will God get mad at me for giving someone a valentine?' Katie's father thinks a bit, then says 'No, I don't think God would get mad. Who do you want to give a Valentine to?' 'Osama Bin Laden,' she says. 'Why Osama Bin Laden,' her father asks in shock. 'Well,' she says, 'I thought that if a little American Jewish girl could have enough love to give Osama a Valentine, he might start! to think that maybe we're not all bad, and maybe start loving people a little bit. And if other kids saw what I did and sent Valentines to Osama, he'd love everyone a lot. And then he'd start going all over the place to tell everyone how much he loved them and how he didn't hate anyone anymore.' Her father's heart swells and he looks at his daughter with new found pride. 'Katie, that's the most wonderful thing I've ever heard.' 'I know,' Katie says, 'and once that gets him out in the open, the Marines could shoot the bastard.' so the war goes on... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
unccpathfinder Posted August 1, 2008 Share Posted August 1, 2008 (edited) and then the fight started... Edited August 1, 2008 by unccpathfinder Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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