Ways of Changing Oil

[Jdpathy]

Oil Change instructions for Women:

 

1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles since the last oil change.

 

2) Drink a cup of coffee.

 

3) 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly maintained vehicle.

 

Money spent:

 

Oil Change $20.00

 

Coffee $1.00

 

Total $21.00

 

==========================================================

 

Oil Change instructions for Men:

 

1) Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of

Oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree, write a check for $50.00.

 

2) Stop by 7/11 and buy a case of beer, write a check for $20, drive home.

3) Open a beer and drink it.

 

4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.

 

5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.

 

6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it.

7) Place drain pan under engine.

Cool Look for 9/16 box end wrench.

 

9) Give up and use crescent wre! Nch.

 

10) Unscrew drain plug.

 

11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on you in process. Cuss.

 

12) Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off of face and arms.

Throw kitty litter on spilled oil.

 

13) Have another beer while watching oil drain.

 

14) Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.

 

15) Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oil filter and twist off.

 

16) Crawl out from under car with dripping oil filter splashing oil

Eve! Rywhere from holes. Cleverly hide old oil filter among trash in

Trash can to avoid environmental penalties. Drink a beer.

 

17) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface.

 

18) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.

 

19) Remember drain plug from step 11.

 

20) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.

21) Drink beer.

 

22) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor. Throw kitty litter on oil spill.

 

23) Get drain plug back in with only a minor spill. Drink beer.

 

24) Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with

Oily rag used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid crescent wrench

Tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame removing any excess

Skin between knuckles and frame.

 

25) Begin cussing fit.

 

26) Throw stupid crescent wrench.

 

27) Cuss for additional 5 minutes because wrench hit bowling trophy.

 

28) Beer.

 

29) Clean up hands and bandage as required to stop blood flow.

 

30) Beer.

 

31) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.

 

32) Beer.

 

33) Lower car from jack stands.

 

34) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during any missed steps.

 

35) Beer.

 

36) Test drive car.

 

37) Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.

 

38) Car gets impounded.

 

39) Call loving wife, make bail.

 

40) 12 hours later, get car from impound yard.

 

Money spent:

 

Parts $50.00

DUI $2500.00

Impound fee $75.00

Bail $1500.00

Beer $20.00

 

Total -- $4,145.00

 

But you know the job was done right!

 

[NismoSkyZ]

lol, some of those were waaay too true.

[xkrewx]

AWWW...i feel like a bad person now... i dont curse nearly enough.

[blamtro]

In defense of us men, you forgot to add all the little add-ons that Jiffylube dude will tell the woman she "has to have" done or her car won't run properly, last long, might explode, etc.

[94extreme]

or they just park it outside in N and then you'll find your vehicle in the ditch all effed up. no thanks. been there done that. not funny at all. (jiffylube)

[xkrewx]

i have to admit... i havnt changed my own oil in a really long time, but i really need to start doing it because i dont like the oil they put in my rig.

 

i like chevron oil, not valvoline.

 

Am i totally off my rocker here?

[Jdpathy]

In my recent Oil changing adventure I decided to drive over a cement oil changing pit for easier access to the underside, and I couldn't get the skidplates off, so I just left them on and made a little funnel to shove up through the hole below the plug, When I undid the plug, the entire reservoir decided to empty, so I had oil coming out of the skidplates on both sides, through the hole, down my arm. Wait let me make it easy for you guys to picture this. I do not know of one place that the oil did not drench. Oh well. A lesson learned.

[94extreme]

^^^ ever heard of topsider?

 

http://www.mercedesshop.com/Wikka/OilFilter2

http://cgi.ebay.com/ebaymotors/Topsider-Bi...1QQcmdZViewItem

[Jdpathy]

While you are waiting for your oil to finish draining

it is a good time to replace your air filter.

 

 

 

I wish I had one of those...

[jj big shoe]

Ali's Lexus has the simplest, coolest thing I've seen in a while. Attached to the engine block right below the filter is a small metal catch trough with a lipped hole in the bottom that acts like a funnel so you don't have oil dripping down the block when you spin the filter off. If I didn't have a relo kit for my filter, I'd prolly be working on another fab project.

[aries247]

i have a little trough thing on my titan just below the filter. as far as jiffylube my sister use to take her truck to them. twice they left the drain plug loose. i told her take it somewhere else.

Edited February 27, 2007 by aries247

[dagwoodzz]

4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.

 

Too funny, This weekend I swapped my Auto hubs. Wanted to confirm they were disengaging properly but could only find 3 of 4 jack stands. Didn't have the guts to wake wifey, so waited til around 9 before she finally got up. She find the last stand in two minutes in the shed where I had been looking for an hour.

[govols74n]

The story of my life........... :sniff: